How to support someone going through menopause

Menopause and perimenopause are no longer taboo topics. The doors to the conversation have been flung wide open, with more people than ever before talking about it.

Yet, navigating the changes that happen during menopause are still leaving many women feeling overwhelmed and isolated.

A study from University College of London found that 9 in 10 women received no education around menopause, and a further 60% said they didn’t get enough support.

And the impact of menopause on family dynamics is significant. 70% of women blamed the menopause for marriage difficulties and said it put a strain on family life.

Meanwhile, 63% of those with partners going through the menopause said their symptoms personally affected them and their relationship.

“Of all the myths about menopause – and there are so many – the one that I come back to time and time again is that menopause is just a women’s issue,” says Kathy Abernethy, menopause specialist at Vitality partner, Peppy.

It’s true that menopause will affect 100% of women (51% of the adult population), but it will also impact those around them, such as friends, family, partners and colleagues.

So, whether you know someone who’s going through menopause or maybe you’re experiencing it yourself, here, Vitality’s Mental Health and Wellbeing Lead, Yetunde Bankole, offers some simple ways to help make the journey that little bit easier.

Start by educating yourself

“Understanding the basics of menopause doesn’t need a biology degree and improving your knowledge can only be a good thing in supporting the people around you,” says Bankole.

Here are some simple facts:

• The term ‘Menopause’ refers to the last period you ever have
• The average age of menopause is 51, but it usually happens between the ages of 45-55
• For one in 100 women, menopause will start under the age of 40
• ‘Perimenopause’ is the time around menopause, when the body is preparing for menopause and the first year afterwards – it can last months or even years.
• Nearly three quarters of people experiencing menopause will have symptoms
• There are currently at least 35 recognised symptoms of menopause, which can vary in type and severity among different people

Harness your connection

Menopause is a huge change which will impact many of our loved ones, but it can also be an opportunity to strengthen these relationships as you support them in navigating this new chapter.

For those in a couple, try to harness your connection by focusing on your strengths as a partnership and ensure you make time for activities that bring you both happiness.

“Being someone they can depend on will encourage them to share how they’re feeling, whether it’s frustration, happiness or confusion,” says Bankole.

Let them know that it’s ok to have off days and they don’t need to go through this transformative time alone, she adds.

Encourage self-care

Find ways to encourage moments of relaxation and wellbeing throughout their day, such as yoga, meditation, or reading.

This will help them discover what makes them feel good in moments of difficulty, and when the time is right.

You can also offer to join them in some of these activities as a show of support and to help build on that connection with quality time together.

Just reach out

Creating a safe space for open and honest conversations is essential. Regularly check in about how they’re feeling and what they need from you.

This not only shows that you care but also helps them to share any emotions they’re experiencing during a time that can be confusing.

If you’re not sure how to start the conversation, try asking open-ended questions, ‘How have you been feeling lately?’ or ‘What can I do to support you?’.

“In return, actively listen without interruption or offering advice. Validate their feelings by acknowledging what struggles they’re going through without fear of judgement,” Bankole explains.

Show respect and be kind

Kindness is especially important when supporting someone going through the emotional and physical changes of menopause.

“Acts of kindness can enhance our resilience and help individuals cope better with challenges,” she adds.

“When we approach a loved one with compassion and understanding, it builds a safety net of security and support, so they feel a sense of emotional strength.”

Often, it’s easy to be humorous around those we are close to, and it might be that we turn their hot flushes into the butt of a joke.

Try to avoid this as it plays down a symptom that has a big impact on someone’s day-to-day life and it is their choice on how they to refer to their condition.

Know the signs

Be aware of the menopausal symptoms that people around you might be going through, whether it’s a parent or a colleague.

This helps any environment – be it at home or work – to be open, friendly and aware of others around us.

If you’re not sure on the signs of menopause and perimenopause, some of the most commons symptoms are:

• Changes in mood, such as anxiety or mood swings
• Problems with memory
• Hot flushes
• Headaches and migraines
• Joint and muscle pain

Or you can familiarise yourself with more via the NHS website.

Be open and flexible at work

Research shows 87% of working women seek more support from their employer when it comes to women’s health; while a quarter of UK women considered leaving their jobs due to the impact of menopause.

Employers offering flexible work options can help someone feel more comfortable in the workplace, preventing time off sick and unwanted departures.

“This could be as simple as moving their place of work, whether that’s to the chilled aisle of a supermarket or a desk near the loo,” says Bankole.

“Consider offering remote working, or flexible start and end times, to help them manage energy levels throughout the day or if they’re experiencing severe symptoms, like fatigue and hot flushes,” she adds.

Understand the support available

As an employee and particularly as a manager, it’s so important that you understand the pathway of support available in your organisation.

Does your organisation have a menopause ambassador? Do you have a menopause policy? Are there any upcoming events you can suggest to team members?

“If you feel like there’s more your workplace could do, please speak to your HR, benefits or wellbeing team to see how you can help move this forward,” says Bankole.

And remember, if your company has Vitality at Work, you could have access to menopause support via the Peppy app at no extra cost to your organisation or them. 

Related: 4 tips to get through menopause