5 ways to build resilience and find happiness

There’s a reason that Bobby McFerrin’s ‘Don’t Worry Be Happy’ has near-enough 400 million hits on Spotify.

Spreading positivity in the face of trying times is at the crux of this 80s soul number – and a message that is still clearly resonating with listeners almost four decades later.

It’s true that we all sometimes need a pick-me-up; something to put a pep back in our step or to help us through difficult times, cue McFerrin.

But when four minutes of soul funk isn’t enough, it helps if we put in a certain level of work on ourselves.

Building resilience is key to achieving good mental wellbeing as it helps us all deal with times of adversity.

We cannot always dictate the life events that come our way – whether it be living through trauma or struggling to pay the bills – developing resilience, however, can help us cope and feel happier in the day-to-day.

Yetunde Bankole, Vitality’s Mental Health expert defines resilience as “our individual ability to process, adapt and recover from situations we find difficult or challenging.”

She adds: “Resilience can act as a buffer for stress, low mood and anxiety symptoms. We won’t be able to eliminate these tricky situations but rather feel more optimistic and confident to face them.”

But building resilience takes time and patience. So, how can we best achieve it?

Celebrate your strengths

The key starting point to building resilience, Bankole says, is celebrating our strengths and recognising moments of negative self-talk.

“Negative thoughts can undermine your resilience in times of difficulty,” she notes. “We all have a certain level of resilience to have gotten this far.

“Because we can take our thoughts as facts, almost our lens on the world and the lens through which we interpret things. It gives us a distorted reality of how things are and our ability to cope.”

“When moments of negative thoughts arise, take a moment to recognise when they occur, but remember everyone has them, so don’t guilt yourself.

“Then challenge that thought by questioning it’s validity and change it to a kinder thought.”

If you don’t know what a negative thought is, Bankole says to think whether or not you would say this to a friend, and if you wouldn’t then it’s not kind to say to yourself either.

Practice positivity

Actively practising gratitude is strongly associated with greater happiness, and can break patterns of negative thinking and encourage us to feel happier, according to Bankole.

“Different ways you can do this include expressing gratitude to others, it is supportive for other’s wellbeing as well as your own, telling others what they mean to you, acknowledging that you’re grateful for them and sharing this with them,” she explains.

But also, tell yourself what you are thankful for and acknowledge your achievements, however big or small they might be.

Whether that be twice a week or daily, you will begin to see the positive impact on your overall happiness.

Stay connected

Relationships have a powerful impact on the way we think and feel throughout the day.

In fact, social connections can help improve our ability to manage stress, anxiety and depression, as well as reduce the risk of chronic diseases and serious illness.

Bankole says: “Strengthen the connections you already have and make a list of friends or family communities you may be part of, identify the positive ones and make sure you strengthen those connections by spending time together.”

Another way is finding new people through shared interests.

For example, playing a team sport, volunteering or participating in community activity might help develop those relationships.

Prioritise self-love

Self-care is unique from person to person, and so is the frequency in which we practise it.

Engaging in activities that take care of our health and wellbeing is now regarded as an important aspect of recovery from illness in the NHS, as it encourages us to take care of our wellbeing and improve our happiness, says Bankole.

Focusing on developing one or two areas can help achieve this. So, what are some of the things that you love doing, but don't often get a chance to do?

Make a note of them and make sure you’re prioritising them.

Feed your physical health

Research suggests that physical activity significantly enhances resilience. Regular exercise improves our cognitive function and emotional regulation, both vital for resilience.

Incorporating physical activity into our daily lives might feel challenging, but there are a few things we can do to support this.

Setting manageable goals that feel good for us is a great place to start. For example, a brisk walk, run or cycle for at least 30 minutes a day, three times a week.

Also, finding activities that you enjoy is essential, as consistency is key to reaping the benefits of exercise.

Getting involved in group classes and team sports can help foster connections, not just making us feel better physically and mentally but also providing us support during those moments of need.

Integrating these practices into our routines can help us build resilience and enhance our overall quality of life.

Resilience is for life

It’s important to remember that we all have negative thoughts. Bankole even describes them as “normal”, as we all experience difficult situations day-to-day.

By adopting some of these methods it can help build resilience in the long term – but it won’t happen overnight.

Perseverance is essential – and it’s something that will get easier with time.

Related: How to keep your fitness motivation high